Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Celebrate your loved ones this Thanksgiving Holiday

Different families have different issues and lessons to learn. Certain families struggle with finances addictions, sexual abuse, divorce, autism, mental illness, depression, hyperactivity, issues with fertility and adoption, substance abuse, eating disorders, the death of a loved one, same sex issues, or suicide, etc.

Our family has really struggled with cancer. My mom died from multiple myeloma , a sister cancer to Leukemia in 2004, Todd’s mom died from breast cancer in 1995 and of course, we struggled with Lindsey and her brain tumors for over 11 years.

Our family lived in southern Utah in the 1960’s, when they were doing the atomic testing. We are considered “down winders”, people who were affected with certain cancers that have manifest with a higher percentage of occurrence for people who lived there during that time.

A couple of weeks ago we found out that my dad’s thyroid cancer had returned. It is known as papillary cancer. This is his fourth time and each one has resulted in surgery and treatments. They detected a small growth where his thyroid used to be. This came as such a surprise because our family hadn’t even begun to pick up the pieces from our experience the last fourteen months with Lindsey.

When I first heard the news from my dad, Todd held me while I cried. I am sure I was jumping to the future and imagining that I was going to lose him too. But, in the next few days approaching the situation with fasting and prayer, individually and collectively, I continued on the best I could.

The surgery would be more intense this time. The doctors had predicted a 10-hour surgery. It included reconstruction of the esophagus, a feeding tube and a possible tracheotomy, several days in ICU and six weeks recovery followed by radiation treatments. It seemed like it might be too much for my 72, almost 73 year old father to live through.

As I tried to “digest” this information, only six weeks after Lindsey’s passing, I wondered if I would be able to handle this. Of course, my mind immediately went to “I cannot watch another loved one go through all the suffering that this disease brings, nor can I watch another loved one die. It is too soon. I haven’t even caught my breath from my experience with my daughter.”

We prepared ourselves for what seemed like an aggressive surgery for Nov. 11, 2011. Much to our surprise the doctor came out after he had only been in surgery three hours. He indicated that the surgery was complete and dad was in recovery. He said that the tumor had not attached to the esophagus wall. He also informed us that there would be no need for reconstructive surgery and that radiation treatments would follow but, everything else we had prepared for would not be necessary.

I was there when the doctor reported on the surgery in the waiting room and also when dad was wheeled into his personal room, (not ICU). He seemed a little groggy, but still able to talk and respond. When we told him the news, I could see tears well up in his eyes with gratitude and thanksgiving. He asked if we would close the door. His wife, Cheryl, my step-mom, was holding his hand and my brother Jeff and I stood by his bed. He asked if we would offer a prayer of gratitude to God for this miracle.

I said the prayer and thanked those on the other side for their assistance and acknowledged that we could feel their presence, even my mom and Lindsey, I thanked God for allowing my dad to remain with us on this earth and expressed gratitude to all those who had fasted and prayed. I also thanked God that in this situation, he had heard our prayers and responded with a “yes” answer.

With tears streaming down my face I acknowledged that sometimes it is for our benefit that the very thing we desire (to have Lindsey live) is not according to God’s will. I thanked God for easing our pain and grief. I will always remember that moment and praying with my father at his bedside.

My dad is my hero. He is a man of great faith and in some of my most difficult times with Lindsey it has been my earthly father that I have turned to for guidance and counsel. He is loving and wise. Both my mother and my father understand and love the process. Both of them have been facilitators in the past.

My dad loves ropes and was able to attend with us Oct. 8th. At the time we did not know anything about the tumor.

My parents have been willing to address their issues through processing and other modalities and for that I am so grateful. They understand how important it is to have our hearts knit together in unity and peace, even to have the hearts of the fathers turn to the children and the hearts of the children turn to the fathers. This Thanksgiving I shall have my heart turned to my father as we celebrate his 73rd birthday.

Even though I am not sure how I will do emotionally this coming holiday, especially with the absence of Lindsey at our Thanksgiving table, I will be celebrating the presence of my father. May we offer our sincere love and gratitude to our families this Thanksgiving. May we renew our relationships with tender, heartfelt expressions of love. May we remember that the greatest pain we take with us to the other side is love that we did not express while here on earth. And the greatest pain we carry with us here on earth is the love that we did not express to someone who passes to the other side. Life is fragile. Celebrate your loved ones this Thanksgiving Holiday.

I love you dad.

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